Someone Really Needs to Fix this Mic

Felt a little uncomfortable with the first song I posted? You haven’t seen anything yet. The next song I bring you is by two contestants from RuPaul’s Drag Race, Willam (Season 4), Detox (Season 5), and their friend Vicky Vox. Ok, before we start, it’s time to remove the children, parents, and clergy from the room because you are about to hear the most hilarious and raunchy song ever. The song is a spoof of the Alicia Key’s semi-hit (not really, it sucks), ‘Girl on Fire’ as you can tell I’m totally into that song. Sidebar: It’s time to pack up your bags and head home Alicia, no one here finds you interesting. Sorry to the 13 Alicia Keys fans out there, but it’s all about Ms.Aguilera. Well any who, time to focus back on the topic. Willam the main singer in the video has a pretty successful as a drag queen on the big and little screen. Some of the shows he’s been on are Nip/Tuck, The New Normal, and Criminal Minds to name a few, if you don’t believe me check out his wikipedia page, it’s stacked. Or as Willam would put it, “I’m a successful drag queen, not some bitch who has to show for a dollar” and “I didn’t come up through the club system, I’m an actor, I’ve done tv, film, Sex in the City, District, Criminal Minds…” Willam is a name-droppin, lable-lovin’ whore, (whore in the good way of course, haa) with no apologies and I love that about her.
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So you better get in line cause I’m next on Willam’s best friend list o-kayyyyyyy. So back to the song, back up vocals are sung by Detox and Vicky and they both are hilarious in the video. I don’t wanna give too much away, just watch: Oh yeah, obviously this video is NSFW and deals with the sexual frustration of one guy, Enjoy.

Tell me about what you thought about the video. Did I go to far? (No, I didn’t) Do you want more? And is it stuck on repeat for you like it was the first time. And yeah, about 2 million views were from me alone. “That boy is a bottom, (bottom, bottom).”

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Serving Fish: Trout

Trying to switch it up a bit for you guys, I know my last couple of post have been a little paragraph-y, so I thought about doing a little list for you guys here. This is all based on my personal opinion, so you know this shit is right on point. I went through the five seasons of drag race and picked the top ten fishiest queens:

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10. Manila Luzon: Funny and on top of her comedic timing, Manila’s personality got her far in the competition. However her styling and over the top characters landed her the number ten spot on my countdown.

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9. Mariah: Originally a ballroom queen (mostly pageants), Mariah’s natural beauty and pose easily get her spot onto the countdown.

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8. Willam: Banging bod, Blonde, and she acts like she doesn’t know a thing doesn’t only add to her hotness but to her character as well.

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7. Raven: The first ice queen of drag race warms up the number seven spot, with her long legs and penetrating stare could make the straightest man fall to his knees.

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6. Jujubee: YAY! Juju, is always a ball of fun, with her charisma leaking out of her pores, this Boston native charms her way to number 6 with those cat like eyes and lingering sex gaze.

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5. Tatianna: Starting drag at the age of 15 has given time to perfect her craft. Serving some serious natural sex appeal makes the most unknowing male do a double take.

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4. Yara Sofia: Yara Sofia, the queen of avant garde, pushes the limits with her hand made costumes and small frame gives Yara a leg up on the girls ranked below her.

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3. Kenya Michaels: Known as one of the fishiest queens, fun-sized Kenya Michaels easily makes the top three.

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2. Vivienne Pinay: The only queen from season 5 to make the list has to mean something. Refered as ‘Juju’s long lost sister’ has her beat on this chart. From the poise to the pose and that face land’s her the number two spot.

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1. Carmen Carrera: Finally we’ve made it to the number one spot. The hair, the make, and one more thing, well make it two: THAT ASS. Perfectly proportionate and with no padding sends all the other girls running for the hills and give’s Carmen Carrera the crown for the fishiest fish of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Did I miss someone, let me know, would love to hear your feedback. Of if there are other lists/countdowns you’d wanna see let me know in the comments section. Stay tuned for some more post on the behind the scenes look of a drag performance and the ins and out of the whole transformation process and yes to answer your questions, there will be something about tucking. haa. Until next time. #HoesB4Bros

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Gentlemen Start Your Engines…

…And May the Best Woman Win!
Ru. Paul’s. Drag. Race.

Yeah, your life just got a little gayer and a whole lot better. Season five just started at the end of January and we are already a couple queens down. [To catch up on all the T in every episode click here]

Ok, let’s blow through the description part so we can get to the good stuff: talking about the queens we love, hate, and kinda wanna sleep with, haa. Ok, so Rupaul’s Drag Race is an under-the-radar competition reality show. Think America’s Next Top Model accidentally got a little two drunk and slept with Project Runway and nine months later BAM: Drag Race. Roughly about 14 to 15 drag queens from around America are hand picked my mother Ru herself and are shipped out to Beverly Hills, California to duke it out to be America’s Next Drag Super Star. We have already had 4 winners from past seasons (Season 1: BeBe Zahara Benet; Season 2: Tyra Sanchez; Season 3: Raja; and Season 4: Sharon Needles).

Some of the winners were great: Raja and Sharon and some we’d just like to forget ever happened: BeBe and Tyra, can I get an amen? Alrighty, back to season 5, each week the queens are put through one mini challenge and a main challenge. The challenges range from being witty and on your toes by being able to read someone to filth on spot, having decent acting skills when portraying a celebrity my the infamous snatch game challenge (a spin on the classic Match Game), and being fashion forward by turning it out on the runway and from time to time constructing an entire outfit from scratch. Ru always reminds the girls every episode that the winner has to have Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent which basically translates to, well you can figure it out hun-tee. At the end of every episode there are the top three queens and the bottom 3 queens. One of the top three queens will be announced the winner of the challenge while two of the bottom queens will be pinned up against each other while they will have to lip-sync for. Their. LIFE…[life, life, life,].

(Season 4, Episode 1) Spoiler Alert the big gurl, TURNS. IT. OUT! Sidebar: How Sickening is Rupaul, period. Everything about the bitch is FLAWLESS.

Each week one of the queens get sent home until theirs only one. They are all competing for a lifetime supply of MAC makeup, a cruise sponsored by Al and Chuck’s Travel, get to tour across America during gay pride (sponsored by Absoult Vodka) and a cash prize of 100,000 dollars (depending on what season).

Stay tuned for an upcoming post about the season 5 contestants, mainly about the ones I love, hate, and the boring ones are already sent home so we can skip over those bitches.

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Mic Check, Hello?

We all know that drag queens are notoriously known for lip-syncing and turning it out on the dance floor. But did you know that some of the queens write and produce their own music? Snapppp. Whether it is a raunchy romp or a spoof of a popular song, it is gonna be sickening. Every now and then I will be blessing my blog readers with a song, preformed by a drag queen, that I find to be on trend. This week’s song is brought to us by our wonderful drag mother to all the drag children out there: Rupaul (oh yeah, and featuring Big Freedia too).

A couple of things before watching the video, there is a lot of junk shaking, raunchy lyrics, and a whole lost of sass. So basically it’s a gay man’s wet dream, enjoy!

Must be jelly cause jam don’t shake. Living for this song.

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Reading is what? Fundamental.

Within every community there is a secret language between its peers. The gay community isn’t any different; I mean without it how would we ever keep the straights from being all up in our business, right? Haa. But before I go gay-ghetto-ing up in the joint, I thought it would be nice to break down some of the gay slang so it would be easier for the straight folks to follow. Don’t worry I’m not breaking any gay laws by letting you guys in the know, plus I only have one strike on my gay record anyways. Soooo, it’s all good gurrl, haa. Alright where to start? Hmm, I guess with some phrases or words that I use in my everyday life. Some of the words are a little funny and out there, but that’s what I love about them. Everything is so blunt, canny, however, playful and fun at the same time, kinda like when you see a mom yelling at her kids in Costco and all you can do is watch and smile. You know you shouldn’t but this is one train wreck you can’t miss. Snap. So back to those words:

Fish – (n.): to look like a woman, not like a man dressed like a woman.
Home girl last night was serving some fierce fish, hun-tee.

Heather – (n.): a conventionally pretty drag queen and member of the “popular” clique (e.i. the movie Heathers)
Heather, can I borrow that wig?” “Of course, Heather.” “Thanks Heather.”

Read – (v.): the art of insulting, as popularized by the 1990 documentary Paris Is Burning
“Let me read you honey, because you have a make-up line down your neck” –Tammie Brown

Realness – (adj.) Something authentic and raw; down to the core/spot on
I was serving some Cinderella realness, glass slipper and all.

Sickening – (adj.): incredibly amazing; excessively hot
That dress is sickening, I love all the beading and tool.

Sprepper – (n.): combination of Sprite and Dr. Pepper, which isn’t necessarily a good thing
Don’t be a sprepper, be a Heather.

T – (n.): the truth
What’s the T?

Work/Werrk [depending how thick you gay-accent is]– (v.): what “you betta” do, to give your all
You betta werrk and leave everything on that stage gurl, if you wanna win.

I hope you learned a thing or two, cause all i’m doing is trying to share the T. I wanna give a special thanks to The Daily Beast, for providing some of the definitions and I wanna give a shout out to Word of the Gay, a sickening blog out there, stumbled upon it while writing this and found a few words/phrases that even I wasn’t aware of, shocking I know. Peace out, cub scout

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Is that a Man? Where’s my Drink?

Do you remember the first time you’ve seen a drag queen?

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I don’t. I was cocked, but I can remember that it was fun…or was it? It was my first time heading to a gay bar and I was only 18, gotta love New Hampshire. My friends and I were dancing our asses off, when all of the sudden the lights started to dim and there was a loud eruption from the crowd. They knew what was about to happen. I pretty sure I blacked out by then, God I love my mojitos. The rest of the night came up in flashes:

  • A 6 foot tall man giving Britney a run for her money
  • A drunk biddie spilling her drink all over me
  • Convincing my friends to not run up on stage…or was it the other way around?
  • Waking up the next morning covered in glitter and surprisingly no hangover
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Hello, Hun-Tee

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Can’t get enough of your favorite queens? Well you better dust off those library cards because bitches are gonna be read. So make sure those tucks are extra tight and your game is sickening. From the classic queens like Lady Bunny and RuPaul to the newbies on RuPaul’s Drag Race, this is your one stop shop for everything draggg. Get ready for some wig-tossing, back-stabbing, lip-syncing, fish-serving extravaganza. All T, All Shade 24/7. #YouBettaWerkk

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